Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
