Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
