She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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