I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the day after is always just damage control
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
