The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
