I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
