Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
