How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
