You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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