Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
