they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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