peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
