would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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