Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
