if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i dont even know how to be here
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
