your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
