She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
