Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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