Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
