dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
