How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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