He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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