hotel room ftw
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
