i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
