No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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