In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
