I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
