HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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