I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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