Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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