I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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