so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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