Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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