i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
