I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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