I think I died a long time ago.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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