Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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