yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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