The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
