I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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