Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
