i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
