I just gift wrapped bread.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
