My room smells like vodka and shame
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
