Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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