remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am naked and annoyed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
