I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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