You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
