His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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