i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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