he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My penis needs a shock collar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize