Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
