I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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