Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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