I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
