He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
