i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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