some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize