You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
