his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
