i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize