we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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