I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
