Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
