everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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